Erma Bombeck Quotes
Erma Bombeck Quotes
When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
1231There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
4132 I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food
2640 Housework can kill you if done right.
3849 Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
2848 Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.
2974 Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?
1503 A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
2654 When humor goes, there goes civilization.
1792 Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
4122 When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.
1351 A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
4534 It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
3451 My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
4443 Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
2858 When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
3632 No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
4515 It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
3385 All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
2729 I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
3184 If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
1431 