Darynda Jones Quotes

Darynda Jones Quotes

I had a horrible feeling my leg was broken. If it wasn’t, it had a lot of explaining to do.

I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.

I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.

You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt

I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.

After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"

I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much.

At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.

Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. - T-SHIRT

Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way.
"It's three thirty in the morning."
"Okay. Want coffee?

I do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.

You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.

Sorry. i just can't seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn't know what to think, how to act. I'll have a talk with it later. Perhaps get it some counseling.

Ambulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices.

In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. "Do I look dead to you?

My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.
- Charley Davidson

God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.

His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.

You totally need to watch the news."
"Can't."
"Why?"
"It's too depressing."
"Right, because hanging with dead people isn't.

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.

There are very few personal problems that can't be solved with a suitable application of high explosives.

Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.

Since I had a soft spot for zombies and my curiosity was killing me, I opted for plan Z.

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.

Nobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, that
reason alone keeps people from allowing themselves to believe.

Have you slept yet?'
'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.'
'Didn't you drive there?'
'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.'
- Charley & Cookie

I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking.”

“I get it, Swopes. He’s not the kind of man you take home to meet your
stepmom.” I rethought that. “Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul?

You hit me again," I said, growing oddly annoyed.
"Ya think?" Evil Riggs said. Smart-ass.
"Part of my brain hurts. I demand to know what that part of my brain is called and what its job is.

I’m currently unsupervised
It frisks me out too but the possibilities are endless

Does Uncle Bob have anything?"

"I heard he has an STD."

"I mean on the women."

"Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.

You’re the reason I get up in the morning.
That, and I need to pee.

I lost my virginity but I still have the box it came in. – t-shirt

In that one, they'd done their darnedest to destroy Riley's Switch. This time, instead of two-by-fours and tire irons, they seemed a little more focused on choke holds and knees to the face. Their desire to be close to each other was sweet.

We get heroes with impossible abilities and heroines with strengths we can only dream of. And for a little while, we are those characters. That hero is in love with us. That heroine is you, the reader, and you are all kinds of powerful. And you might even, given the right circumstances, save the world.

I thought you were mad at me."

"I am."

"Well, I make it a rule never to have sex with anyone who's mad at me."

He arched a brow. "It's a wonder you've ever had sex at all.

When life hands you lemons say,
"Lemons? What else have you got?"
- bumper sticker

I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.

He had threatened my parents. I had to remember that. Still, it was really hard to stay mad at a wounded naked man.

He turned the corner and flipped me off at the same time. See? Men could multitask. I was so proud of him.

Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.
- T-shirt

After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”
“You do have that effect on people.

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