Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.

My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.

Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.

You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.

Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.

Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.

When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.

It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.

Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.

Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.

The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.

I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do.

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:
Yes.
Yes.
No.
One time in high school.
Three times in my twenties.
Rocks no salt.
Yes.
Four.
Never. And how dare you!
I will take no further questions.