Jon Stewart Quotes
Jon Stewart Quotes
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.
3402 Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.
3472 Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe - dare I dream it? - maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.
4152 I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
4390 You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.
4226 Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.
4542 By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
3248 To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
1013 If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.
1087 I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
4864 If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.
3424 I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
1687 Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain
4240 You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
1023 Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
1954 Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people.
1512 The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
3871 The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
1179 Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
1234 It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.
4969 We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.
2024 No one is better at not beating America than England.
4891 [Politicans] are salespeople. Instead of rotisserie ovens they are selling this idea of preemptive war or social-security reforms.
4343 Often, no sooner would the mind begin to scale the heights of Mt. Knowledge than it would receive a frantic call from body base camp, demanding it return to oversee "Operation Masturbate.
3021