Josh Stern Quotes

If the love is not madness, then the sex is not insane

Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels....

The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard

It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing

Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs

If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillow

Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

When it comes to relationships, I find it best to have two feet out the door

Some people try to climb the ladder of success, while others try to jump on it

It's not that I'm ahead of my time, it's more that the world is running late

The true genius of a Woman is her subtle flair in creating the illusion that you are the smart one

Behind every successful man, is a Woman breathing through her mouth

Do the thing you fear, and the death of your underwear is certain

Never be paralyzed by fear, just by falling off a cliff

The primary difference between sex and death is, with death there is no dress code

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it in summer school

People who live in brick houses shouldn't throw wrecking balls

Y'know when your dog drags its butt across the carpet leaving a stain- It's not as easy as it looks..." 

Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..'

I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over

Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy

Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity

Everyone comes with baggage, make sure you get one that comes with a rack

Patience is learning to take a deep breath while you’re exhaling

Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub