Mokokoma Mokhonoana Quotes


Type: Social critic, philosopher

Born: 0


Mokokoma Mokhonoana is a philosopher, a social critic, a satirist, an aphorist, an essayist, a cartoonist, a graphic designer, and an iconoclast. I was born, bred, and is based, within the borders of some figment called South Africa - Mokokoma Mokhonoana.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana Quotes

There are more writers who read than readers who write.

When reading a book, you are sold what some writer thought. When reading a newspaper, you are sold what someone did, and, what some advertiser made.

Sometimes it is the reader that sucks, not the book.

To be a better cook, cook more. To be a better writer, read more.

To put an arrogant 'famous' writer in his place: pretend to be illiterate.

12% of employees study further to learn more. 88% of employees study further to earn more.

A hundred years ago, an average teenager knew countless authors, and, a sex position or two. Today, an average teenager knows countless sex positions, and, an author or two.

An educated woman is seen as a human being with a vagina. An uneducated woman is seen as a vagina with a human being.

Prostitutes are paid for taking their clothes off. Celebrities are paid for putting others' clothes on.

If working-hours were natural, then employed men would only get erections between 5 p.m. and 9 a.m. … during the week.

Every artist takes their final work to the grave.

When a man's girlfriend's parents ask him what it is that he does for a living: they’re not really concerned about him; they’re concerned about their daughter’s tummy.

When a man's bank balance becomes too small, his woman flees. For a man to do the same, his woman's body - or vagina - has to do the opposite.

A humanitarian seldom makes a good lover. For a lover’s world revolves around their lover, while a humanitarian’s world revolves around the world.

Fat people are funny … until obesity pays your loved one a visit.

Thanks to his salary, an employee is free to eat whatever, wherever. However, because of his job, he is not free to eat whenever.

People who complain about something that they cannot do anything about are as irritating as those who complain about something that they can do something about.

For their holidays: the rich go see the world; the poor go see their parents.

As a subconscious attempt to add meaning or purpose to their life: The unemployed pray for a job; the retired pray for grandchildren.

To some women, a job plays the role of a man. To most women, a man plays the role of a job.

Civilization is the commercialization of survival.

Poor people do not go on holiday; they go home.

A writer’s primary goal is to make sense. The bookstore’s is to make cents.

A job interview is a competition won by those who are qualified the most, and, those who are willing to be payed the least.

When rich, being poor seems *adventurous.*

Torn clothes are funny … until your dad gets fired.

A writer is merely a reader that had the guts to be read, and, heard.

Intelligence is a way of thinking, not a choice of words.

Faeces by any other name would smell as gross

Giving up isn't a deed. It is 'discontinuity' of a deed.

All civilized wo/men are prostitutes: Some sell what's between their legs; the rest sell what's between their ears.

There is more to life than making a living. Do not work more than you live.

Work is a vehicle with which man chases some fleeting destination called a full tummy.

Employment was invented to make education seem useful.

Professional’ does not necessarily mean that the person so labelled is good or knows what they are doing. In many a case, it merely means that they do whatever that they are a professional at for a living, not as a hobby.

Retirement is the menopause of an employee’s mind and hands.

The employed are punished by having to do what they do not love. The self-employed are punished by the opposite.

The garden is an unemployed township-based man's cubicle.

If growing up means not seeing one’s family and friends on the regular - all in the name of paying the bills, then growing up is overrated.

We are so used to working that not working is the new hard work.

Employment is slavery. Workers merely have a choice over where to serve their daily eight-hour sentence.

Employees go to school for 12 – 18 years merely to impress prospect employers in a 12 – 18 minutes interview.

School fools a lot of people. Professionally, one thing is not the most that one person can be.

12% of employees eat because they are hungry. 88% of employees eat because it is 1 o’clock.

Somebody is born.
Somebody goes to school.
Somebody learns to conform.
Somebody types a CV.
Somebody gets a job.
Somebody follows orders.
Somebody gets a golden watch.
And then, eventually,
Somebody dies.
And, a Nobody is buried.

A genius does what he masters. An ordinary man tries to master what he does.

Periods are a period when nature forces prostitutes to go on leave.

The rich spend their life living; the poor spend their life making a living.

Virginity comes standard. A good head is earned.

A vagina is an uneducated woman’s diploma.

Back then, work revolved around life. Today, life revolves around work.

*I’m hustling* is a low self-esteem having man’s way of saying *I’m unemployed,* when answering a seemingly materialistic woman’s question as to what he does for a living.

The more civilized people are, the more honorable working hard is to them. As a result, the more civilized we get, the less we live.

A model’s opinion seldom matters. The only time that he is required to open his mouth is when he is required to smile at the camera.

Pain, unless it is physical, was sold to you (by your culture).

When a man cheats, it is said it is because he is a dog. When a woman cheats, it is said it is because her man is a dog.

12% of people marry because they are completely in love. 88% of people marry just so they are then liable for only half of their rent.

When it comes to sex: some men treat women as objects; some women treat objects as men.

Most women have low standards. All they strive for is a highly paid man.

Religion makes people kill each other. Science supplies them with weapons.

Science gave us forensics. Law gave us crime.

You know you made it, when your friends tell their friends that you are their friend.

You know you made it, when people you know, tell people they know, that you know them.

A social critic is someone whose work revolves around where and how our successes are failing us.

To a misogynist: To err is woman.

Plagiarism is the fear of a blank page.

The fear of failure is a liability.

Who you are - and what you have - today, is a reflection of how fearful or fearless you were yesterday.

I have the fear of people knowing what I am fearful of.

In fiction: we find the predictable boring. In real life: we find the unpredictable terrifying.

Two reasons why people hate and/or fight change: (1) People fear the unknown; and (2) There are always people profiting from how things are.

Smartphones are tools which fools fiddle with when they are around people that they don’t have the courage, or, the intellect, to converse with.

Employment is the exploitation of the employer’s courage, and, the employed’s fear of failure.

A historian is a risk-terrified prophet.

Politics and Sport were invented to give unknowledgeable people an opportunity to share their knowledge.

Life isn’t really short. There are just too many good books to read in one lifetime.

To be better equipped for the tests that the year will bring - read a textbook. To prepare for the tests that life will bring - read a book.

Reading leads to knowing more. Knowing more leads to arrogance. Reading further leads to humbleness.

The more man studies, the less he loves reading

A newspaper is an oversized book with adverts and an expiry date.

It is better to read one intellectually challenging book every 12 months … than to read 12 entertaining books every month.

Philosophy is to a thinker … what push-ups are to a model.

I will only start taking book reviews seriously from the day that books are able to review readers.

The media made the masses to find not-so-skinny women appear not-so-beautiful … in the eyes of the remote holder.

For the duration of his erection: To a horny man, all women are the most beautiful woman in the world.

Thou shalt not use the 140 characters limit as an excuse for bad grammar and/or incorrect spelling.

Thou shalt not tweet to be retweeted.

Thou shalt not think that thou be a leader, merely because thee be having more than 0 followers.

Thou shalt not follow someone, merely because they are following you.

Thou shalt not unfollow someone, merely because they stopped following you.

A paedophile is someone whose sexual attraction towards children their own age did not grow with them.

For the most expensive way to realize an orgasm, men open their wallets. For the cheapest, they close their eyes.

One-night stands were invented to free men from worrying about the size of their penis. And to free women from worrying about the size of their stretch marks.

A horny man is seen. A horny woman is heard.

There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of things that he is willing to do for a woman.

When coming to sex: First served, first come.

Homophobia is the ignorant and arrogant assumption that copulation and reproduction is all there is to a relationship.

A salary is, to a man's employer, what his wife's vagina is to his wife: a tool used to (1) reward; and (2) control him.

A civilized woman's demands: A man who will (1) make her come … sometimes; but (2) pay the bills … at all times.

Looking at what 'foreplay' is, 'sexual intercourse' is a game.

As common as unplanned sex. As uncommon as a planned child.

With regards to getting laid and getting AIDS: Being interesting can be an interesting guy’s downfall.

The most unfair thing about sex is that men are almost always guaranteed an orgasm.

Man cannot be homophobic without having concerned himself with another’s sex life.

Huge biceps are an unattractive-uneducated-underpaid man's last attempt to be seen as worthy of dating, or, sleeping with.

Compared with lesbians, gays seem to be more unapologetic about their sexual orientation. The former must not have balls.

It is rude to tweet while having sex. However, it is not rude to have sex while tweeting.

Whilst lovers: to control her man, a woman uses (the man’s access to) her vagina. When ex-lovers: she uses (the man's access to) their kids.

Morals are nothing but a civilized society’s attempt to tame some beast called man.

To see a man’s true colours, tell him that you don’t plan on having sex with him. To see a woman’s true colours, tell her that you don’t plan on marrying her.

When we see a good-looking woman with a not-so-good-looking man, we assume that the man must have a good bank balance. When we see a good-looking man with a not-so-good-looking woman, we assume that she must be good in bed.

98% of the things said by a drunk man are true; 98% of those said by a horny man aren’t.

Some women sleep their way to the top. Most men sleep their way to the bottom.

Assuming that all ‘unschooled’ people to lack education is akin to assuming that a salary is the only means to make money, or, that a vagina or a penis is the only source of an orgasm.

88% of women love making their first love making incident with a man seem like an accident.

Starving whilst schooled is like a man’s finding out that his wife is on her periods … a few seconds after he took Viagra.

Some marry because they are in love. Others marry to have sex ... without the guilt.

To a man who was required to marry before he was allowed to have sex with his lover, marriage is a ‘righteous’ form of prostitution.

*Forever* is an illusion that human beings promise each other when they are horny, or, trying to appear holy.

The second orgasm has a biblical connotation.

Some couples are married because they fell in love. Some are married because the woman fell pregnant.

The boring thing with 'No sex before marriage' is that kids will never get to attend their parents’ wedding.

Needs are imposed by nature. Wants are sold by society.

It’s the invention of clothes, not nature, that made “private parts” private.

To a homeless man, home is literally where the heart is.

Reality is what people who lack vision see.

Sleeping is the most common attempt to temporarily escape reality.

Reality is in the hand of the masturbator.

Reality is a hallucination shared by most sane men.

A realist is a slave to reality.

He who is ready to die for his country is a fool. For he didn’t choose where he was born; and where he was born didn’t choose him.

If human beings weren’t ‘dumbable’ enough to be made soldiers, war would be nothing but an exchange of swear words between a handful of individuals.

You cannot really get peace. You can only get rid of war.

An artist that makes art merely to meet a demand is a slave to what his patrons wants to see, or, hear.

As useful as an unhappy artist. As useless as a happy philosopher.

A 'black' man who draws a 'black' person with big lips is called observant. A 'white' man who does the same is called a racist.

An angry artist tells people what (he thinks) they need to hear. A hungry artist tells people what (he thinks) they want to hear.

Back then: to be regarded as well-known, one had to be great. Today: to be regarded as great, one has to be well-known.

Being in a hurry is the father of stress and worry.

If history really forever repeats itself: then, it has always been then.

Historians predict the past for a living.

Contrary to popular belief: Knowing where you are from will not really tell you where you are going. It will merely tell you why you are where you are.

When ready to settle down: women are more interested in where the man is going; men are more interested in where the woman has been.

A fast car can make women 'like' a man; and a man 'like' women … fast.

Thanks to arranged marriages: There are countless women who have never been their husband's girlfriend.

Marriage converts a player into a polygamist.

Girls like well-built boys. Women love well-paid men.

Women who do not play hard to get are hard to get.

Money cannot buy you love. But it sure can buy you things that some people will love you for having.

Once a woman goes over 25, she prioritizes 'financial security' in a potential lover. Love and good looks are just a bonus.

Not every happy person is married, and, Not every married person is happy.

Some wo/men are so possessive … you end up missing missing them.

When you lose a friend or a lover, those who remain in your life gain (more of your attention).

You know you’ve reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh.

Most people can’t stand spending a few minutes by themself. Yet they expect others to spend an hour, a day, or, even a lifetime, with them.

The phrase *You complete me* is nonsensical. A couple is a *we* … not a complete *me.*

Marriage is the commodification of affection, copulation, and, reproduction.

Dating isn't a natural need; it is a social want.

A broke man’s lover doesn’t feel ‘loved’ on her Birthday, Christmas, and, on Valentine’s Day.

If every lover was treated like they matter - everyday; valentine’s day wouldn’t be so 'special.

Generally, men prefer dating women they love over women who love them; women prefer the opposite.

Be ashamed not of being single, or, unemployed. That comes standard.

To hear how great your friends think you are: fake your death, or, get married.

In a materialistic society, there’s no such a thing as a ‘romantic’ broke man.

Generally, a woman would rather be married to any man that she doesn’t hate, than remain unmarried to a man that she loves.

Love songs are nothing without exaggeration.

Courtship is an activity whereby one losses oneself … whilst trying to win someone’s love.

Courting is an activity where a man and a woman flaunt their virtues. Dating is an activity where life exposes the other’s vices.

A wedding is a ceremony men fund with money they know they don’t have … to prove the love they think they have.

Marriage and dating are man-made ideologies; if having a lover was a prerequisite to living, we’d all be born in pairs; as couples.

Dating is a man-made ideology: if having a lover was a prerequisite to living, one would either be in a relationship, or, six feet under.

Lobola (“bride price”) is a retired broke father’s last hope to paying off his debts.

Not all truths hurt. And not all that is hurtful is truthful.

Religion is a non-alcoholic man's alcohol. Alcohol is a non-religious man's religion.

To halve the number of times that other people hurt you: halve the number of expectations that you have from other people.

To increase the odds of being thanked, some people compliment some people; some make kids.

Technology has transformed the world into a global village. And communities, families, friends, etc., into local islands.

Your friends love you for who you are. Your family loves you for what you are.

Friends are family members we have a choice over.

Granted, not all uneducated women are prostitutes, and, not all prostitutes are uneducated. However, where building a family is employment, an uneducated woman's womb is her diploma.

After our loved one dies: we cry, not because they left; but because they left us.

To know what should be going on in a household: spend a few minutes with the wife, or, the husband. To know what’s really going on: spend a few minutes with their kid(s).

To the family of a victim of a fatal accident, the deceased was at the wrong place at the wrong time. To the family of the morgue owner, the deceased was at the right place at the right time.

Being a 'good' parent is more about the parent, and, less about the 'supposedly-could-have-been-bad' child.

12% of dreams create jobs. 88% of jobs destroy dreams.

He who was given the freedom to ask whatever should give the freedom to be answered however.

What to wear: An employee chooses. How to dress: His employer chose.

A freedom-fighter is a slave to freedom.

Free is he who is reputable for not being fearful of losing his reputation.

Absolute freedom is an illusion. For while an employed man might be free from starvation, he is a slave to his employer's financial aspirations, and, working-hours.

A slave that acknowledges its enslavement is halfway to its liberation.

Weekends are an employee’s parole.

Employment frees man from the nightmare of unemployment, while it chains him to his employer’s dream.

Technically, according to the notion of the will of God, there is no such a thing as a competent surgeon.

Do not treat others as you would not like to be treated' frees one from hypocrisy. 'Treat others as you would like to be treated' enslaves one with insincerity.

When given freedom of speech, most men merely quote other men.

A tapping foot isn’t the best a listener can get from a song: A good song makes a listener dance. A great song makes him think.

An employer’s fart is music to his employees’ ears.

88% of what we call good songs aren’t really good. They merely remind us of a good time we once had.

To change the world, one has to ignore its residents.

A VIP area is nothing without not-so-important people.

Masturbation = Imagination + Activity. Worry = Imagination + Negativity.

A philosopher philosophizes what people need to hear. A motivational speaker speaks what people want to hear.

Motivational speaking is the art of telling people what they have been told before … without them noticing.

Grandchildren are their grandparents' toys.

When coming to making kids: Size doesn’t count, it’s sperm count that counts.

Dating a wo/man with a kid is the new adoption.

Most parents are not really ‘supportive’ because they want their kid(s) to succeed; they ‘support’ their kid(s) as an attempt to avoid appearing to have bred a failure, or, failures … in the eyes of their peers and/or neighbours.

Men marry for the womb. Women marry for their tummy.

A ‘white’ kid that asks too many questions is called *curious.* A ‘black’ kid that asks too many questions is called *forward.*

Dating a wo/man with a child is adoption … without the paperwork.

Because of the power that we have given money: The government would rather have taxpayers who do not vote, than voters who do not pay tax.

The reason that man is seldom satisfied with his salary is that when it increases, he increases his expenses.

Using money in one’s attempt to put an end to poverty is like using a border in one’s attempt to put an end to xenophobia.

Rich people read their bills. Poor people dread theirs.

One man’s panic funds another’s picnic.

A rumor is usually a lie that the media can legally profit from.

A church service starts and ends with a prayer. A magazine starts and ends with an advert.

There’s a very fine line between being broke and being humble.

There really is no correlation between age and one’s bank balance. I’ve met wealthy boys and broke men.

Those who say that money can’t buy you love make it sound as if love can buy you money.

Eating healthy is expensive. Not eating healthy is expensive. One dents your pocket. The other dents your health.

Success is subjective. Your dream bank balance could be someone else’s nightmare.

In some cases, people with a body (whose size) they did not long for are victims of having a bank balance (whose size) they longed for.

The rich are poor without the poor's acknowledgment of money.

Nothing humbles a rich man better than a poor man that isn’t willing to do ‘anything’ for money.

Capitalism has turned human beings into commodities. To the owner of a restaurant: the cook and a bag of potatoes are equally important.

Most employees don’t really want to be highly-paid; they just want to earn more than their peers, and, more importantly, more than their neighbours.

Life humbles the rich by giving them problems that money can’t resolve, or, dissolve. Life enslaves the poor by giving them problems that money can resolve, or, dissolve.

A man’s bank balance is the new penis size.

*Customer service* is seldom about the customer; it is usually about the seller’s chances of making more money from that customer in future.

There are two kinds of humble people: (1) Humble people; and (2) broke people.

The easiest way to make money is to be funny. The easiest way to be regarded as funny is to have money.

There’s a correlation between the number of digits on a man’s bank balance, and, the number of things that his woman is willing to forgive him for.

A diploma is a piece of paper that is used to acquire another piece of paper: an employment contract.

Life enslaves the poor by giving them problems that money can resolve, or, dissolve

Life ups the self-esteem of a low-paid man by giving him things that the high-paid man that he envies cannot buy (intellect, looks, sex appeal, etc.).

Being rich is an untalented artist’s consolation prize.

Rich men use most of their money to get richer. Poor men use most of their money to look richer.

To a man, a woman is fun to be with … until she gains weight. To a woman, a man is fun to live with … until he loses his job.

Civilization transformed man from a food gatherer to a gatherer of pieces of paper: diplomas, employment contracts, money, etc.

Before civilization, artists painted for the living. Today, most paint for a living.

Men did not need to have balls to have balls.

Those who lack the guts to create critic.

A ‘normal person’ is what is left after society has squeezed out all unconventional opinions and aspirations out of a human being.

He who fails to achieve a dream set by himself is more honorable than he who succeeds in achieving a dream set by his society.

In any sane society, a farmer is a billion times more important than an economist.

In a society that prioritizes man’s health, a cleaner is more important than a lawyer.

To come across as younger than they are: Women buy creams that promise to slow aging; men buy fast cars.

To buy women things, some men entertain. To entertain women, some men buy things.

The present is an eternal attempt to separate the past from the future.

The present is the closest that you will ever get to the future.

Worrying about what happened on Monday, or, what might happen on Wednesday, is at the expense of one’s Tuesday.

To be a prosperous pastor one needs: (1) a bible (2) a tailored suit; and (3) a few psychology books.

A specialist’s mind is a slave to his specialization.

With the exception of a gun, starvation is the only thing that is capable of making an insane man lose his mind.

Today, the world rewards those with creative and intellectual muscles. So, women and skinny men need to shut up and start thinking.

A blank cheque kills creativity.

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