Woody Allen Quotes


Type: Actor, comedian, filmmaker

Born: December 1, 1935


Woody Allen’s prolific career as a comedian, writer, and filmmaker has now spanned more than six decades. Mr. Allen’s first screenplay was for "What’s New, Pussycat?", which was released in 1965. He has written and directed more than 45 feature films, including "Annie Hall", "Manhattan" and more recently, "Midnight in Paris" and "Blue Jasmine". Woody Allen is the author of "Without Feathers" and "Side Effects", among other books.

Woody Allen Quotes

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.. Woody Allen
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

To you, I'm an atheist.
To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time.
She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

My brain? That's my second favorite organ.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

I read in self-defense.

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.

True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of eighty is left in a room with two eighteen-year-old cocktail waitresses nothing happens.

In order to be a writer, "Maugham continues: "one must take chances and not be afraid to look foolish. I wrote The Razor's Edge while wearing a paper hat….

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

The most expensive sex is free sex

-Mary: Il sesso senza amore è un'esperienza vuota!
-Isaac: Beh, ma tra le esperienze vuote è una delle migliori.

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.

He's dreaming, Cloquet thought, as he stood over him, revolver in hand.
He's dreaming, and I exist in reality. Cloquet hated reality but realized it was
still the only place to get a good steak.

You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life

[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.

I hate when art becomes a religion. I feel the opposite. When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you’re forfeiting your humanity." - Woody Allen

I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.

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