Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
1052The covers of this book are too far apart.
1902 Beware of the compound adjective, beloved of the tyro and the 'poetess'.
3402 Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
2536 All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
3931 Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.
4336 Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
2246 Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
2382 Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religions, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.
1621 Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
1578 In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
3804 HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are
four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and
praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain
whether he fell by one kind or another - the classification is for
advantage of the lawyers.
2697 Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.
Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.
Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
1290 Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
4273 You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
3198 NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
2229 Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
1450 Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
1616 Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
1291 Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
1389 MAN, n.
An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.
3073 Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.
2382 Ah, children of the sunlight and the gaslight, how little you know of the world in which you live!
1309 diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
2103 AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
4580 POLITICS, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
3828 GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.
4304 BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
3446 He thought he was walking along a dusty road that showed white in the gathering darkness of a summer night. Whence and whither it led, and why he traveled it, he did not know, though all seemed simple and natural, as is the way in dreams; for in the Land Beyond the Bed surprises cease from troubling and the judgment is at rest.
4616 ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
2412 History – An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.
3830 God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.
4984 Marriage, n.: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
1821 Bride, n. - A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
2849 Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.
1836 acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
2581 
