Irony Quotes

Michel De Montaigne

I quote others only in order the better to express myself.

Douglas Coupland

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Charles Bukowski

please give your
bodies and your
the young men
deserve them

there is
no way
I would welcome
senseless hell
you would bring

I wish you
in bed

but not


Ram Mohan

War is essential for peace.

Charles Bukowski

I feel no grief for being called something
I am not;
in fact, it's enthralling, somehow, like a good
back rub

Brandon Sanderson

The world isn't fair? What a huge revelation! Some people in power abuse those they have power over? Amazing! When did this start happening?

Gillian Flynn

He wears his cockiness like an ironic T-shirt, but it fits him better.

E.A. Bucchianeri

... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything.

Nenia Campbell

So you thought you could shit and eat at the same time. How disgustingly convenient.

Tom Robbins

All depression has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves
All depression has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously.

Eben Alexander

Laughter and irony are at heart reminders that we are not prisoners in this world, but voyagers through it.

Ursula Hegi

That's the nature of being a parent, Sabine has discovered. You'll love your children far more than you ever loved your parents, and - in the recognition that your own children cannot fathom the depth of your love - you come to understand the tragic, unrequited love of your own parents.

Philip K. Dick

If you think this Universe is bad, you should see some of the others.

Steven Wright

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

René Descartes

Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.

Ambrose Bierce

Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Mark Twain

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

Jim Butcher

Hell's bells, irony blows.

Roger Zelazny

Nobody steals books but your friends.

Oscar Wilde

Even things that are true can be proved.

John Fowles

Why should I struggle through hundreds of pages of fabrication to reach half a dozen very little truths?'
'For fun?'
'Fun!' He pounced on the word. 'Words are for truth. For facts. Not fiction.

Rudyard Kipling

I could not dig: I dared not rob:
Therefore I lied to please the mob.
Now all my lies are proved untrue
And I must face the men I slew.
What tale shall serve me here among
Mine angry and defrauded young?
from EPITAPHS OF THE WAR 1914-18

Kshitij Shringi

Even English Language doesn't provide you with the Synonyms of the word Success.

Reif Larson

And yet sometimes we become the person we most dread. Or maybe we dread most the person we know we are to become.

Leszek Kołakowski

A modern philosopher who has never once suspected himself of being a charlatan must be such a shallow mind that his work is probably not worth reading.

Gary Inbinder

Thank heaven for people who are satisfied with facts that conform to the reality they wish to believe.

Engels Friedrich

What each individual wills is obstructed by everyone else, and what emerges is something that no one willed.

Brandi L. Bates

In order to grow, I promise you'll have to let go of some habits. 10 times out of 10, they'll be the habits you're most in love with.

Alexander McCall Smith

It is sometimes easier to be happy if you don't know everything.

Jody Gehrman

Maybe illusion and artifice - lies, even - are a necessary part of romance.

Dave Matthes

I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.

J.K. Rowling

Would you like me to [kill you] now?" asked Snape, his voice heavy with irony. "Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?

Thomas James Higgins

I'm not scared of death, I just don't want to seek it out.

Muriel Barbery

So if there is something on the planet that is worth living for, I'd better not miss it, because once you're dead, it's too late for regrets, and if you die by mistake, that is really, really dumb.

Samuel Johnson

Depend upon it, sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

Charles Bukowski

I paid, got up, walked
to the door, opened

I heard the man
say, "that guy's

out on the street I
walked north

Douglas Adams

In the center lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn't lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot.

Tobias Wolff

I'm a survivor, " I said. But I didn't think that claim would carry much weight in an obituary.

Paulo Coelho

God hides the fires of hell within paradise.

Anne Carson

What is the holiness of conversation?

It is
to master death.

George Harrison

With every mistake, we must surely be learning.

William Shakespeare

O, wonder!
How many goodly creatures are there here!
How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,
That has such people in't!

Joyce Carol Oates

A mouth of no distinction but well practiced, before I entered my teens, in irony. For what is irony but the repository of hurt? And what is hurt but the repository of hope?

Maggie Stiefvater

Somewhere fate laughs in her far-off country, because now I am the human and it is Grace I will lose again and again, immer wieder, always the same, every winter, losing more of her each year, unless I find a cure.

Charles Bukowski

sometimes when everything seems at
its worst
when all conspires
and gnaws
and the hours, days, weeks
seem wasted –
stretched there upon my bed
in the dark
looking upward at the ceiling
i get what many will consider an
obnoxious thought:
it’s still nice to be

Susan Kay

And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!

Benson Bruno

What do you take me for? That fool Socrates, who upheld the law at the cost of his own death – just to be ironic? I suspect that act was actually the result of his secret embarrassment of his hideous nose.

Terry Pratchett

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

Terry Pratchett

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

Terry Pratchett

You're not going to tell me they built fifty-foot-high killer golems, are you?"

"Only a man would think of that.

It's our job," said Moist. "If you don't think of fifty-foot-high killer golems first, someone else will.

Terry Pratchett

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

E.A. Bucchianeri’s just another one of those things I don’t understand: everyone impresses upon you how unique you are, encouraging you to cultivate your individuality while at the same time trying to squish you and everyone else into the same ridiculous mould. It’s an artist’s right to rebel against the world’s stupidity.

Barack Obama

But you see, a rich country like America can perhaps afford to be stupid.

Terry Pratchett

(About sweeping)....
What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

Holly Hood

It would be the last thing he did if he beat my dog.

Lawrence Ferlinghetti

I am waiting for the war to be fought
which will make the world safe for anarchy

Brando Skyhorse

Faith is a luxury for those who are able to ignore what the rest of us must see every day. Pessimism, distrust, and irony are the holy trinity of my religion, irony in particular.

Hooman Majd

It strikes me often while I am in Iran that were Christian evangelicals to take a tour of Iran today, they might find it the model for an ideal society they seek in America. Replace Allah with God, Mohammad with Jesus, keep the same public and private notions of chastity, sin, salvation, and God's will, and a Christian Republic is born.

Crystal Woods

The irony of the human heart is that it’s tormented both by the presence and absence of it’s own soul’s counterpart.

J.R. Rim

The worst way to drown is in mainstream.

J.R. Rim

In order to do the unthinkable, do not think about it.

Ryan Lilly

I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?

Colleen McCullough

Suddenly the thought that the end of her life was imminent shocked him; it was one thing to pity someone he didn't know, quite another to face the same dilemma with someone he knew intimately. That was the trouble with beds. They turned strangers into intimates more quickly than ten years of polite teas in parlours.

Francis Schaeffer

In passing, we should note this curious mark of our own age: the only absolute allowed is the absolute insistence that there is no absolute.

Moses Hadas

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.

Maggie Stiefvater

You could write a book about things that you can't find on-line.

Dan Simmons

Luckily, even as a young man not yet become himself, John Bridgens had two things besides indecision that kept him from self-destruction - books and a sense of irony.

Alexander Zalan

Personally I know only one person who wrote about utopia. Afterwards he was executed. I suppose it's not my genre.

Larissa Ione

She trailed her fingers along the book spines as she wandered around the room. “My father thinks reading is a waste of time.” Hunter thought her father was a waste of space.

Joss Whedon

The thing about changing the world... Once you do it, the world's all different.

Petronius Arbiter

Can't you see that I'm only advising you to beg yourself not to be so dumb?

Simon R. Green

It's hard to maintain a reputation for being grim and mysterious when you're accompanied by a brightly clad young thing, skipping merrily along at your side, holding your hand, and smiling sweetly on one and all.

Andrew McEwan

The worst mistake a writer can make is to assume everyone has an imagination.

Edmund Gosse

I was much affected by the internal troubles of the Punch family; I thought that with a little more tact on the part of Mrs. Punch and some restraint held over a temper, naturally violent, by Mr. Punch, a great deal of this sad misunderstanding might have been prevented.

James Jones

Two whores who finally found something to mother. A guy could write a book about it, he thought bitterly, call it From Hair To Maternity. It would probly be a very long book. Whores did not produce as fast as rabbits.

Vicente Gramaje

- Cuando me ponga en contacto con usted le propondré que nos tuteemos, ¿le parece?
- Encantado de haberte conocido.

René Barjavel

La loyauté de chacun d'eux - dont personne ne doutait - serait garantie par la présence des autres.

Alexander Zalan

Frankly speaking, I'm not afraid of death. I don't endeavour to avert its advent. But I don't want to be a witness of it.

William Golding

I got this to say. You're acting like a crowd of kids.

Fred Vargas

-Mais parce que je ne pense pas, dit Néron en se relevant.
-Et qu'est-ce que tu fais alors?
-Je gouverne.

Fred Vargas

Valence passa une main sur ses yeux et quitta la fenêtre.
-L'alcool est là, lui dit Néron en tendant les bras.

Mohlalefi J Motsima

i do not give a sh*t, the toilet miss me now

Michael Bassey Johnson

Short men are happy, for they can pass easily through the door. Tall men are happy, for they can stand erect and pluck oranges with their hands. Again, short men are angry, for they cannot stand erect and pluck oranges with their hands. Again, tall men are angry, for they cannot pass easily through the door.

Robert Galbraith

Im.’ The monosyllable was heavy with contempt. ‘’E’s a twat.’
‘Is he?’
‘Yeah, ’e is. Ask Kieran.’
She gave the impression that she and Kieran stood together, sane, dispassionate observers of the idiots populating Lula’s world.

Salley Vickers

There are few things more mysterious than endings. I mean, for example, when did the Greek gods end, exactly? Was there a day when Zeus waved magisterially down from Olympus and Aphrodite and her lover Ares, and her crippled husband Hephaestus ) I always felt sorry for him), and all the rest got rolled up like a worn-out carpet?

Kim Gatlin

They say a woman's loyalty only lasts as long as it takes her to hang up and dial again.

Anne Lamott

She lived in fear of ifonic endings. (91)

Alice Munro

Y Doree se preguntó por qué tenía que importarle lo que Maggie pensara. Maggie era una extraña, ni siquiera se sentía a gusto con ella. Fue Lloyd quien lo dijo, y tenía razón.

Neel Burton

The irony is, nothing is more frightening than being frightened.

Esther M. Friesner

If one cannot learn from the mistakes of others, one might as well become a Democrat.

G.K. Chesterton

Whatever we may think of the merits of torturing children for pleasure, and no doubt there is much to be said on both sides, I am sure we all agree that it should be done with sterilized instruments.

Amit Kalantri

I don't understand this irony - valuable things like cars, gold, diamond are made up of hard materials but most valuable things like money, contracts and books are made up of soft paper.

Ron Rash

She walks in beauty.

Orhan Pamuk

The beauty and mystery of this world only emerges through affection, attention, interest and compassion . . . open your eyes wide and actually see this world by attending to its colors, details and irony.

Peter Bogdanovich

Tremendous beauty and tremendous ugliness puts you on the outside of things.

Khaled Hosseini

Her beauty was a weapon. A loaded gun, with the barrel pointed at her own head.

Simon Van Booy

Royal Young's writing is that rare blend of irony and beauty.

Rachel Held Evans

It is a tragic and agonizing irony that instructions once delivered for the purpose of avoiding needless offense are now invoked in ways that needlessly offend, that words once meant to help draw people to the gospel now repel them.

Harriet Beecher Stowe

«It's true, Christian-like or not; and is about as Christian-like as most other things in the world,» said Alfred.

Jonathan Franzen

the weekly thirty minutes of sexual stress was a chronic but low-grade discomfort, like the humidity in Florida

Nenia Campbell

I hope you nail the bastard.”

So does he.

Ernest Becker

Man is literally split in two: he has an awareness of his own splendid uniqueness in that he sticks out of nature with a towering majesty, and yet he goes back into the ground a few feet in order blindly and dumbly to rot and disappear forever.

Share Page