Eoin Colfer Quotes

Eoin Colfer Quotes

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

Conor, I could search the world for another swashbuckling scientist, but I doubt if I would find one like you.

Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

Who are you?" he asked.
I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.

I don't like lollipops.

Foaly: Anyone see you come in here?
Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB.
Foaly: The EIB?
Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

Hey, look - your girlfriend is saying something."
Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?

Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.

Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

Orion brightened. "I have an idea."

"Yes?" said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained.

"Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other.

I bet," said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn."
Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.
Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything.

Me," Artemis blurted. "I'm the nut."
Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell.
"I'm the nut!" Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said.

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?

What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over

I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?

It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours; the magic required to open a door to the tunnel was stupendous. It would be easier to shoot down the moon.
Opal tapped this into her notepad.
Reminder. Shoot down the moon? Viable?

She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.

-Artemis Fowl

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

Wait," said Butler. "Just wait, Holly. Artemis has a plan." He squinted through the green dome. "What is your plan, Artemis?"
All Artemis could do was smile and shrug.

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

this was business.

Orion nodded, then asked, “Dwarf cheese?”
“Cheese made by dwarfs.”
“Oh,” said Orion, relieved. “They make it. It’s not actually . . .”
“No. What a horrible thought.”
“Exactly.

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.

Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.

Who or what inspires you?"
"I must admit that I often read my own articles in scientific journals and inspire myself.

The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly fascinating about flying into an uncharted tunnel at a reckless speed with only a kleptomaniac dwarf's word for what lay at the other end.

Red climbed like a monkey, I to climbed like a monkey. A very old one. With one leg. And six fingers

how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant.
Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall.
Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it.

They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.

Will you miss him Holly?” he asked suddenly.
[...] “No,” she said. “I will not miss him.”
But her eyes told the real story.

I have to tell you, Arty, a screw up this early in the proceedings doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence. I hope you’re as clever as you keep telling everyone you are.”
“I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared...

Friendship isn't a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.

Nobody ever got rich by wearing a heart on their sleeve, unless it was someone else's heart.

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