Irony Quotes
Douglas Coupland
Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.
3105 Charles Bukowski
girls
please give your
bodies and your
lives
to
the young men
who
deserve them
besides
there is
no way
I would welcome
the
intolerable
dull
senseless hell
you would bring
me
and
I wish you
luck
in bed
and
out
but not
in
mine
than
3978 Charles Bukowski
I feel no grief for being called something
which
I am not;
in fact, it's enthralling, somehow, like a good
back rub
3991 Brandon Sanderson
The world isn't fair? What a huge revelation! Some people in power abuse those they have power over? Amazing! When did this start happening?
2216 Gillian Flynn
He wears his cockiness like an ironic T-shirt, but it fits him better.
3670 E.A. Bucchianeri
... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything.
1436 Nenia Campbell
So you thought you could shit and eat at the same time. How disgustingly convenient.
3717 Tom Robbins
All depression has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously.
2161 Eben Alexander
Laughter and irony are at heart reminders that we are not prisoners in this world, but voyagers through it.
1945 Ursula Hegi
That's the nature of being a parent, Sabine has discovered. You'll love your children far more than you ever loved your parents, and - in the recognition that your own children cannot fathom the depth of your love - you come to understand the tragic, unrequited love of your own parents.
2066 Philip K. Dick
If you think this Universe is bad, you should see some of the others.
3547 René Descartes
Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.
2027 Ambrose Bierce
Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
2382 Mark Twain
In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
1158 Oscar Wilde
Even things that are true can be proved.
3494 John Fowles
Why should I struggle through hundreds of pages of fabrication to reach half a dozen very little truths?'
'For fun?'
'Fun!' He pounced on the word. 'Words are for truth. For facts. Not fiction.
4090 Rudyard Kipling
A DEAD STATESMAN
I could not dig: I dared not rob:
Therefore I lied to please the mob.
Now all my lies are proved untrue
And I must face the men I slew.
What tale shall serve me here among
Mine angry and defrauded young?
from EPITAPHS OF THE WAR 1914-18
1011 Kshitij Shringi
Even English Language doesn't provide you with the Synonyms of the word Success.
1933 Reif Larson
And yet sometimes we become the person we most dread. Or maybe we dread most the person we know we are to become.
2670 Leszek Kołakowski
A modern philosopher who has never once suspected himself of being a charlatan must be such a shallow mind that his work is probably not worth reading.
1553 Gary Inbinder
Thank heaven for people who are satisfied with facts that conform to the reality they wish to believe.
2013 Engels Friedrich
What each individual wills is obstructed by everyone else, and what emerges is something that no one willed.
1856 Brandi L. Bates
In order to grow, I promise you'll have to let go of some habits. 10 times out of 10, they'll be the habits you're most in love with.
2312 Jody Gehrman
Maybe illusion and artifice - lies, even - are a necessary part of romance.
3546 Dave Matthes
I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.
4842 J.K. Rowling
Would you like me to [kill you] now?" asked Snape, his voice heavy with irony. "Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?
1114 Muriel Barbery
So if there is something on the planet that is worth living for, I'd better not miss it, because once you're dead, it's too late for regrets, and if you die by mistake, that is really, really dumb.
3813 Samuel Johnson
Depend upon it, sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.
4030 Charles Bukowski
I paid, got up, walked
to the door, opened
it.
I heard the man
say, "that guy's
nuts."
out on the street I
walked north
feeling
curiously
honored.
4094 Douglas Adams
In the center lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn't lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot.
1895 Tobias Wolff
I'm a survivor, " I said. But I didn't think that claim would carry much weight in an obituary.
1181 Paulo Coelho
God hides the fires of hell within paradise.
3085 Anne Carson
LIII.
What is the holiness of conversation?
It is
to master death.
1321 William Shakespeare
O, wonder!
How many goodly creatures are there here!
How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,
That has such people in't!
1225 Joyce Carol Oates
A mouth of no distinction but well practiced, before I entered my teens, in irony. For what is irony but the repository of hurt? And what is hurt but the repository of hope?
2504 Maggie Stiefvater
Somewhere fate laughs in her far-off country, because now I am the human and it is Grace I will lose again and again, immer wieder, always the same, every winter, losing more of her each year, unless I find a cure.
1225 Charles Bukowski
sometimes when everything seems at
its worst
when all conspires
and gnaws
and the hours, days, weeks
years
seem wasted –
stretched there upon my bed
in the dark
looking upward at the ceiling
i get what many will consider an
obnoxious thought:
it’s still nice to be
Bukowski.
1151 Susan Kay
And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!
3347 Benson Bruno
What do you take me for? That fool Socrates, who upheld the law at the cost of his own death – just to be ironic? I suspect that act was actually the result of his secret embarrassment of his hideous nose.
3391 Terry Pratchett
People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
4371 Terry Pratchett
You're not going to tell me they built fifty-foot-high killer golems, are you?"
"Only a man would think of that.
It's our job," said Moist. "If you don't think of fifty-foot-high killer golems first, someone else will.
3956 Terry Pratchett
Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.
4481 E.A. Bucchianeri
...it’s just another one of those things I don’t understand: everyone impresses upon you how unique you are, encouraging you to cultivate your individuality while at the same time trying to squish you and everyone else into the same ridiculous mould. It’s an artist’s right to rebel against the world’s stupidity.
2251 Barack Obama
But you see, a rich country like America can perhaps afford to be stupid.
1138 Terry Pratchett
(About sweeping)....
What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.
3416 Holly Hood
It would be the last thing he did if he beat my dog.
4562 Lawrence Ferlinghetti
I am waiting for the war to be fought
which will make the world safe for anarchy
1122 Brando Skyhorse
Faith is a luxury for those who are able to ignore what the rest of us must see every day. Pessimism, distrust, and irony are the holy trinity of my religion, irony in particular.
4261 Hooman Majd
It strikes me often while I am in Iran that were Christian evangelicals to take a tour of Iran today, they might find it the model for an ideal society they seek in America. Replace Allah with God, Mohammad with Jesus, keep the same public and private notions of chastity, sin, salvation, and God's will, and a Christian Republic is born.
1785 Crystal Woods
The irony of the human heart is that it’s tormented both by the presence and absence of it’s own soul’s counterpart.
4823 J.R. Rim
The worst way to drown is in mainstream.
2838 J.R. Rim
In order to do the unthinkable, do not think about it.
1057 Ryan Lilly
I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?
4623 Colleen McCullough
Suddenly the thought that the end of her life was imminent shocked him; it was one thing to pity someone he didn't know, quite another to face the same dilemma with someone he knew intimately. That was the trouble with beds. They turned strangers into intimates more quickly than ten years of polite teas in parlours.
1412 Francis Schaeffer
In passing, we should note this curious mark of our own age: the only absolute allowed is the absolute insistence that there is no absolute.
4264 Moses Hadas
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
3230 Maggie Stiefvater
You could write a book about things that you can't find on-line.
4018 Dan Simmons
Luckily, even as a young man not yet become himself, John Bridgens had two things besides indecision that kept him from self-destruction - books and a sense of irony.
2223 Alexander Zalan
Personally I know only one person who wrote about utopia. Afterwards he was executed. I suppose it's not my genre.
2963 Larissa Ione
She trailed her fingers along the book spines as she wandered around the room. “My father thinks reading is a waste of time.” Hunter thought her father was a waste of space.
3110 Joss Whedon
The thing about changing the world... Once you do it, the world's all different.
3983 Petronius Arbiter
Can't you see that I'm only advising you to beg yourself not to be so dumb?
2413 Simon R. Green
It's hard to maintain a reputation for being grim and mysterious when you're accompanied by a brightly clad young thing, skipping merrily along at your side, holding your hand, and smiling sweetly on one and all.
2617 Andrew McEwan
The worst mistake a writer can make is to assume everyone has an imagination.
3666 Edmund Gosse
I was much affected by the internal troubles of the Punch family; I thought that with a little more tact on the part of Mrs. Punch and some restraint held over a temper, naturally violent, by Mr. Punch, a great deal of this sad misunderstanding might have been prevented.
4860 James Jones
Two whores who finally found something to mother. A guy could write a book about it, he thought bitterly, call it From Hair To Maternity. It would probly be a very long book. Whores did not produce as fast as rabbits.
1355 Vicente Gramaje
- Cuando me ponga en contacto con usted le propondré que nos tuteemos, ¿le parece?
- Encantado de haberte conocido.
4729 René Barjavel
La loyauté de chacun d'eux - dont personne ne doutait - serait garantie par la présence des autres.
3724 Alexander Zalan
Frankly speaking, I'm not afraid of death. I don't endeavour to avert its advent. But I don't want to be a witness of it.
3411 Fred Vargas
-Mais parce que je ne pense pas, dit Néron en se relevant.
-Et qu'est-ce que tu fais alors?
-Je gouverne.
3269 Fred Vargas
Valence passa une main sur ses yeux et quitta la fenêtre.
-L'alcool est là, lui dit Néron en tendant les bras.
3897 Michael Bassey Johnson
Short men are happy, for they can pass easily through the door. Tall men are happy, for they can stand erect and pluck oranges with their hands. Again, short men are angry, for they cannot stand erect and pluck oranges with their hands. Again, tall men are angry, for they cannot pass easily through the door.
4707 Robert Galbraith
Im.’ The monosyllable was heavy with contempt. ‘’E’s a twat.’
‘Is he?’
‘Yeah, ’e is. Ask Kieran.’
She gave the impression that she and Kieran stood together, sane, dispassionate observers of the idiots populating Lula’s world.
3792 Salley Vickers
There are few things more mysterious than endings. I mean, for example, when did the Greek gods end, exactly? Was there a day when Zeus waved magisterially down from Olympus and Aphrodite and her lover Ares, and her crippled husband Hephaestus ) I always felt sorry for him), and all the rest got rolled up like a worn-out carpet?
4198 Kim Gatlin
They say a woman's loyalty only lasts as long as it takes her to hang up and dial again.
3477 Anne Lamott
She lived in fear of ifonic endings. (91)
1071 Alice Munro
Y Doree se preguntó por qué tenía que importarle lo que Maggie pensara. Maggie era una extraña, ni siquiera se sentía a gusto con ella. Fue Lloyd quien lo dijo, y tenía razón.
2143 Neel Burton
The irony is, nothing is more frightening than being frightened.
1618 Esther M. Friesner
If one cannot learn from the mistakes of others, one might as well become a Democrat.
1859 G.K. Chesterton
Whatever we may think of the merits of torturing children for pleasure, and no doubt there is much to be said on both sides, I am sure we all agree that it should be done with sterilized instruments.
2065 Amit Kalantri
I don't understand this irony - valuable things like cars, gold, diamond are made up of hard materials but most valuable things like money, contracts and books are made up of soft paper.
1030 Orhan Pamuk
The beauty and mystery of this world only emerges through affection, attention, interest and compassion . . . open your eyes wide and actually see this world by attending to its colors, details and irony.
2048 Peter Bogdanovich
Tremendous beauty and tremendous ugliness puts you on the outside of things.
1030 Khaled Hosseini
Her beauty was a weapon. A loaded gun, with the barrel pointed at her own head.
3059 Simon Van Booy
Royal Young's writing is that rare blend of irony and beauty.
1853 Rachel Held Evans
It is a tragic and agonizing irony that instructions once delivered for the purpose of avoiding needless offense are now invoked in ways that needlessly offend, that words once meant to help draw people to the gospel now repel them.
3202 Harriet Beecher Stowe
«It's true, Christian-like or not; and is about as Christian-like as most other things in the world,» said Alfred.
1792 Jonathan Franzen
the weekly thirty minutes of sexual stress was a chronic but low-grade discomfort, like the humidity in Florida
3886 Ernest Becker
Man is literally split in two: he has an awareness of his own splendid uniqueness in that he sticks out of nature with a towering majesty, and yet he goes back into the ground a few feet in order blindly and dumbly to rot and disappear forever.
1852