Dark Humor Quotes

Jess C. Scott

I envy people that know love. That have someone who takes them as they are.

E.A. Bucchianeri

While art thrives on the blazing colours of scandal, literature blossoms on the dark soil of tragedy.

E.A. Bucchianeri

... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything.

Jess C. Scott

What's the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?

Alan Bradley

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death.

Jess C. Scott

People are sheep. TV is the shepherd.

Jess C. Scott

One hand was behind his back, and he held it out, presenting a bouquet of white and smoky purple lilies.

“They’re straight from the underworld, by the way. They are everlasting. They won’t die.

Terry Pratchett

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

Mark Twain

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.

Casey Renee Kiser

I hear they make greeting cards now
to thank your therapist... for NOTHING

Nenia Campbell

Knowledge is a rope, and you're weaving a noose out of it. Leave some slack for the enemy.

Lailah Gifty Akita

Darkness is necessary for evolvement.

Casey Renee Kiser

I can't get his bones
to go down the fucking drain.
I try to stuff the tiny holes,
too tiny for this pain.

I can't get his bones
to break any way for my gain.
Break them back a little too far,
never too far for the sake of sane.

Derek Landy

I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.'
'You smell terrible.'
'That's the smell of evil.'
'It's like rancid meat and bad eggs.'
'Evil," Scapegrace insisted.

Laurell K. Hamilton

It's better to be loved than feared, but if you can't be loved, then fear will do.-Dino quoting Machiavelli

Dave Barry

Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progress to crash into the Ditch of Despair.

Brent Weeks

Relationships are ropes. Love is a noose. - Durzo Blint

Brent Weeks

A man’s greatest treasures are his illusions - Durzo Blint

Brent Weeks

Your Majesty,” Durzo said gravely. “A man of your stature’s cursing vocabulary ought to extend beyond a tedious reiteration of the excreta that fills the void between his ears.” - Durzo Blint

Brent Weeks

Love is a madness. Love is Failer - Durzo Blint

Joe Abercrombie

Are you entirely sure of that knot?' asked Morveer. 'There is no place in the plan for a lengthy drop'.
'Twenty-eight strides', said Friendly.
'The drop'.
A brief pause, 'That is not helpful'.

Yannis Karatsioris

In the beginning there was Logos...and God of course. And it was all extremely boring for Logos because he could never beat God at any game...

Jay Wickre

When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day.

Hermann Hesse

The world had been divided into two parts that sought to annihilate each other because they both desired the same thing, namely the liberation of the oppressed, the elimination of violence, and the establishment of permanent peace.

Lailah Gifty Akita

We have been called from darkness into the light.

Gillian Flynn

Something bad was about to happen. My wife was being clever again.

Jess C. Scott

You may be married to a star, but that doesn't mean they'll treat you like one.

Janina Katz

Personligt kan jeg kun forestille mig én ting, der er endnu værre (end at have venner): familien. Gudskelov befinder jeg mig i den gunstige situation, at jeg ingen familie har.

Nazareth Bergeron

In the end, we all die for what we believe in... mostly because we all die.

Jacques Tardi

Moreover, man carries in his heart the desire always to wield his scientific knowledge in service of the greater good. He would of course never use it for destructive purposes. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! ...

Sherman Alexie

(So I heard the boom of my fathr's rifle when he shot my best friend.) A bullet only costs about two cents, and anybody can afford that.(14)

Nick Hornby

I've committed to nothing...and that's just suicide...by tiny, tiny increments.

Dan Wells

Sow a thought and reap an action, sow an action and reap a habit, sow a habit and reap a destiny - John Cleaver

Casey Renee Kiser

Oh, precious losing streak,
you're too cute for your own good.
I try to laugh about it
but my face is made of wood.

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