Absurd Quotes

William Goldman

Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.

Garrison Keillor

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

Steven Wright

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Steven Wright

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.

Steven Wright

If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.

Michael Cunningham

Beauty is a whore, I like money better.

Kurt Vonnegut

The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death..
The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death.

Ginnetta Correli

Children and dogs are the messengers of God some of us do not deserve them. Ginnetta
Children and dogs are the messengers of God some of us do not deserve them

Conan O'Brien

Applaud my idiocy.

Niels Bohr

Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.

Thomas Nagel

Absurdity is one of the most human things about us: a manifestation of our most advanced and interesting characteristics.

Albert Camus

To stay or to go, it amounted to the same thing.. Albert Camus
To stay or to go, it amounted to the same thing.

Albert Einstein

If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.. Albert
If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.

Albert Camus

A man devoid of hope and conscious of being so has ceased to belong to the
A man devoid of hope and conscious of being so has ceased to belong to the future.

Kjersti Annesdatter Skomsvold

I've knitted myself a hat, it's plum red with an appealing lace pattern, I figured that
I've knitted myself a hat, it's plum red with an appealing lace pattern, I figured that a few air holes would be nice now that it's spring. I put it on and feel like a cranberry in the snow, and I wonder if they can see me from the moon. Me and the Great Wall.

Maria Mitchell

The phrase ‘popular science’ has in itself a touch of absurdity. That knowledge which is popular is not scientific.

Jon Stewart

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

C.S. Lewis

No people find each other more absurd than lovers

Josh Stern

If the love is not madness, then the sex is not insane

Norton Juster

Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub?

Karl Lagerfeld

Absurdity and anti - absurdity are the two poles of creative energy.

Albert Camus

One of the only coherent philosophical positions is thus revolt. It is a constant confrontation between
One of the only coherent philosophical positions is thus revolt. It is a constant confrontation between man and his own obscurity.

Josh Stern

Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way
Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down

Dora J. Arod

My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.. Dora J.
My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.

Josh Stern

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth
If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

Josh Stern

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel
Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco

Josh Stern

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society. Josh Stern
Manners without sincerity, is called polite society

Zoltan Istvan

The American Dream has become a death sentence of drudgery, consumerism, and fatalism: a garage sale where the best of the human spirit is bartered away for comfort, obedience and trinkets. It's unequivocally absurd.

Albert Camus

How unbearable, for women, is the tenderness which a man can give them without love. For
How unbearable, for women, is the tenderness which a man can give them without love. For men, how bittersweet this is.

Dora J. Arod

My love is pizza shaped. Won’t you have a slice? It’s circular, so there’s enough to go around.


Woody Allen

To you, I'm an atheist.
To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

Woody Allen

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

Jon Stewart

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Woody Allen

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time.
She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

Steven Wright

When I was a kid we had a sandbox. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually.

Conan O'Brien

When all else fails, there's always delusion.

Woody Allen

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

Albert Camus

What is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying.. Albert Camus
What is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying.

W.H. Auden

I smell blood and an era of prominent madmen.

Albert Camus

Seeking what is true is not seeking what is desirable.. Albert Camus
Seeking what is true is not seeking what is desirable.

Michael Bassey Johnson

I can cross the boundless ocean just to save you, I cannot eat or sleep without
I can cross the boundless ocean just to save you, I cannot eat or sleep without you, I can take you on a journey to heaven and show you to the angels. All these are fake and absurd promises; Be sincere, walk up to your lover and say, honestly, darling, i can only do the best i can for you.

Merritt Y. Hughes

God is the supreme uncreated light of which Wisdom is born, but there was never a time when God's Wisdom did not exist.

Josh Stern

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels....

Isobelle Carmody

Maruman does not loll.

Lynda Barry

You keep seeing your picture on posters that you are missing but you're not. That'd be weird, right? Or say you look down at the sidewalk and earthworms are spelling your name. Or you open a peanut bag and the 'hello' is written in your writing on the inside of the shell. Would that weird ya?

Thomas Mann

Solitude gives birth to the original in us, to beauty unfamiliar and perilous - to poetry. But also, it gives birth to the opposite: to the perverse, the illicit, the absurd.

Josh Stern

The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard

Josh Stern

It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing

Josh Stern

Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs

Josh Stern

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

Josh Stern

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillow

Josh Stern

Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

Josh Stern

Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

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